Most embarrassing moment.

Hello friendly readers. Today I bring to you a new category of my blog. Embarrassing moments. I've filled my life with them. How do I get past such embarrassment, you ask? Well, I have the worst memory on the face of the planet, so I have that going for me. The only time I remember things is a) when I'm told to... that hardly works b) during weird flashes based on a tiny piece of associated information c) at the most inopportune time.

Well, I had one of those weird flashes yesterday and I thought I'd share it with you. About six or seven years ago, I was living in Savannah, GA and was brushing my teeth. I must have been in a hurry because I was brushing at an alarming rate of speed. The reason you aren't supposed to brush that fast is because your toothbrush can "jump the rails" and damage the soft tissue in your mouth... which is precisely what happened to me. I gouged the gums and inner lip on the front part of my jaw. It was quite painful. A few days go by and the wound starts to hurt, possibly from an infection. The pain is so unbearable that I open the medicine cabinet and reach for the vial of Anbesol.

I twisted the cap off, pulled out the applicator and applied it directly to the wound. Instead of that part of my mouth going numb, a very different and unpleasant taste filled my mouth, much like super glue (don't ask). Not what I expected at all. Then, almost immediately, an odd drying sensation happened and the solution hardened into a "skin." At this point I was in a lot of pain, confused and starting to panic. I looked at the bottle and to my horror I realized I grabbed the wrong vial. Although it was the exact same size and color, the label wasn't facing me and I didn't even know we owned a vial of the product I had applied to the open wound in my mouth. That product was...

...Dr. Scholl's Liquid Wart Remover.

I know, delicious. I spent the next fifteen minutes scraping off the "skin" that had formed in my mouth with my toothbrush. Just in case this point is missed, I spent fifteen minutes brushing/scraping Dr. Scholl's Liquid Wart Remover off of a very painful, open wound in my mouth. I probably should have called poison control, but I was running late for work as it was. The right side of my lower lip was really really swollen for a couple of days. I also sounded a little like Mushmouth from Fat Albert when I spoke.

Good Times.