SNOW?!?! Are you F@#$%&* Kidding me?

We were on the cusp of actual spring like weather. The wife and kid ran around outside for the first time in "warm" weather this year and we were looking forward to a nice warming trend.

I wake up this morning to sound of cars driving through puddles... I glance outside and see some of the biggest flakes ever. Great. A little later, I found out we are in store for 6 to 8 inches! AAAARRRGGGHHH! That's my best Charlie Brown impersonation.

I may need to apologize to everyone. I am unsure if I caused this or not. Maybe Jesus was in my fridge. Billy Zane is cool and all but I definitely don't want to piss off Jesus. As the old saying goes, "Nobody f@%#s with the Jesus." This may be proof.

It's probably too late to do anything about it now, but if Jesus shows his face around here again, I won't question it.

It really does look like Billy Zane though. Did I somehow piss off Billy Zane? Can he make it snow?

I've Found Billy Zane!

Look closely at my second post about Billy, then look closely at the picture of Jesus in my fridge. I may be rethinking my previous claim that it is Jesus, when it very well could be Billy Zane.

Mind Blowing. 

It's like the universe is reaching out to me and my questions and using condensation from my fridge to answer me. I asked "whatever happened to Billy Zane" and a few days later he shows up in my fridge! At least he has work. I was worried about him.

Again, this may be the markers talking but I'm blown away that Billy showed up in my fridge. Is this a sign of the Apocalypse? 

Let's see if we can get someone else to show up in my fridge.... or anywhere else around here for that matter. Who should I ask about next?

Markers Update

After nearly constant exposure for over 36 hours to a combination of Sharpie and Bic permanent markers, I've come to the conclusion that they overall suck. 

My eyes are dried out and in pain, my head is slightly throbbing, I'm completely out of focus, I've had an erection that's lasted for more than 4 hours (that makes it very hard to draw and could very well could be from something else), not to mention after eating an entire Chipolte burrito (yummy) I have no appetite.

This must be a facet of why advertising is hard. I can't think of another industry that goes through as many permanent markers.

I wonder if there's a class action lawsuit I can throw my name into. You never know what these fumes will do to you years down the road. I bet I start hallucinating soon. I mean I DID see Jesus in my fridge. But so did my wife... Hmmm...

Jesus Update:

12 hours later: He's still there.

I'm a little scared.

I've Found Jesus!

And he's been in my fridge this whole time.

Man, I feel kinda blessed. 

Catholics, start your engines. The line forms at the front door and admission is $20 for 15 seconds. The line will be long so get here early.

You don't think it looks like Jesus? Then tell me who you think it is.

The Greatest Movie Ever Shown.

A&E just showed it.

Sometimes when you like something when you're younger, you go back and revisit it and find out that you had very poor taste. Remember Webster? Perfect example. The only cool thing about that show was the secret passage behind the clock... the only full episode I remember is the one where Webster "walked in" on Ma'am and George. They explained it as "changing a light bulb." Shaped how I view sex to this day. I know, tell me about it.

But once in a great while (not often enough) you revisit something and find out that it's as good or better than you originally thought. How could it get better you ask? Well, people grow, learn, and their perspectives change. With that growth, better understanding of jokes and situations not meant for a younger crowd become clear.

The movie I'm referring to is True Lies. The penultimate movie. It has everything. Spies, action, a love story, Jamie Lee-Curtis practically naked, a family story, a nuclear explosion, comedy, Roseanne's ex-husband, planes (that hover no less!), terrorists before terrorists were really uncool, Wayne's girlfriend, and a fresh faced youngster named Eliza.

The story was so well crafted that one would be riveted to their chair for fear of missing something important. Seriously. Walk away to pee during this movie and you'll miss something important, or you may end up asking yourself, "How the hell did they end up here?" The effects were great: Arnold looked like he really could fly that harrier. The acting was top notch: Jamie Lee Curtis made the movie and for the most part stole the show from Arnold. 

Plus, during the climactic ending where the lead terrorist gets caught on a rocket, Arnold used the line "You're fired" (loooooong before Trump did, copyright that you toupee wearing douchebag). Then he fired the rocket into a helicopter carrying the rest of the terrorists. 2 birds, one rocket.

I dare each of you, my friendly readers, to come up with a better movie than True Lies.

Bring it.

Markers are good.

You know what?

Markers are good. I'm in the early stages of drawing up my ads for critique and I'm pretty sure I'm in a slightly altered state.

The constant exposure to Sharpie and Bic permanent markers' fumes is muddling my brain. I am much less stressed at the moment than I should be with critique looming. Critique is Tuesday by the way. I'm still on my first three ads. I have a lot of marker work to get done. Mother of pearl!

The one draw back to marker highs? Headaches. They are some of the worst kind of headaches I've experienced. I once had a migraine soooo bad that I passed out at work. I'm pretty sure that was related to markers too. Headaches suck.

You know what else is good?

Tylenol.

Sleeping is for Suckers.

Warning: Spoiler Alert! I'm about to reveal the secret to my success, so if you want to wait until the book or the movie comes out you should move on to the next post. Projected release date: December, 2012.

It's hard to justify wasting 1/3 of a day sleeping. Lazy. I understand the appeal, but when are you going to get stuff done? The time when I should be sleeping is when I have "me" time. I watch TV, do homework, play sudoku, and check my email all at the same time. THAT is the secret. Right there. Overstimulation. Constant input. CAFFEINE. All that stuff goes in and settles. It cross-pollinates and grows crazy idea flowers that i need to pick and share with y'all.

More crazy idea flowers coming soon.

Does Photoshop need more publicity?

Someone I know accused me of using Photoshop to make the picture you see to the right (the picture is subject to change, so it's me in my devil costume for those in the future).

Can you believe the gall (j/k Jord)? I barely know how to open the program, let alone make such a convincing ruse. I'm learning though. Photoshop BLOWS my mind. In school I was taught how to add a car to a picture, change the color of the car, tint the windows, add a drop shadow, then add general fixes to the rest of the picture. 

Does any of that sound like adding devil horns to my giant head? I could put a car on my head, tint the windows, and add a drop shadow, but at this point that's about it. Although, that'd be pretty cool. 

That picture was taken Halloween night a few years ago. I was hosting the Halloween bash at the Bonfire on Grand in St. Paul. It was a pretty good time. There are witnesses. I also wore it Halloween 2007 on a tour through Carmicheal-Lynch. There are witnesses there too. 

In fact, if you are one of the aforementioned witnesses, please leave a comment confirming that this isn't just digital wizardry. I would be grateful.

On the Subject of Procrastination.

Guess what I'm doing. 

Not my homework, which is exactly what I should be doing. I've run out of other ways to procrastinate and am now down to posting on my new blog. I guess I could do dishes but I hate that. Makes my fingers wrinkly. Besides, I still have some clean ones left.

By homework I mean creating more than a dozen ads to present to a panel of three pros that are there to tell me how much I suck. I have all the ad ideas ready, I just need to draw them out. Basic marker comps (drawn, not computered for those that don't know). The good thing: they're not due until Tuesday at 6:50 P.M. The bad thing: others are relying on me to comp up some of their ads too. 

Best get to work.

I wonder what's on TV. Don't worry. I draw fast.

In an ideal world...

...I will be armed if I see a UFO. 

Think about it. If you have questions if they exist, what faster way could there be to prove/disprove the idea than to shoot at one when in range. Best case scenario: I shoot it down. I become an international hero/superstar. I'm worshipped by nerds the world over. I make billions off of the wreckage. Worst case scenario: I shoot it down. I die a slow, painful death from radiation poisoning I got from investigating the wreckage. I start an intergalactic war that is quickly and ridiculously lost to our new over-lords because our lack of being intergalactic.  I get "abducted" in the butt.

In an ideal world, I won't be armed.

Advertising is hard.

I don't care what anyone says, advertising is hard. 

Sure, anyone that watches enough TV, listens to enough radio, surfs the web enough, reads magazines, etc etc etc, will be able to make a decent ad... keyword: "a." It's not nearly as easy as it looks. First of all, everything has been done. A lot. It takes a special mind to think of things like the Burger King ads from the last few years. Imagine trying to do that for every product in the world and keeping it fresh.

If it were easy, every ad would be good. Every ad would be looked forward to instead of something to shun. Every ad would be "art."

Unfortunately for those in the ad world, the vast majority of advertising is crap. 

I hope that my future contributions aren't part of that pile. Let me know.

Whatever happened to...

...Billy Zane?

His three most popular roles (that I know of) are the demon from "Tales From the Crypt: Demon Knight," the Phantom in "The Phantom," and the douchebag rich guy in "Titanic" that tries to cock-block Leonardo.

I always thought that he'd be a much bigger star. Turns out, not so much.

What the hell am I doing?

It's hard to imagine. I'm that guy. Great.

It was only a matter of time until it happened. I'm now a blogger. 

This will be a blog about, well, me. Me and the things going on in my life. I have a personal life, but that's for me to know and you to not find out (unless otherwise noted). This blog is for the other stuff... musings... interests... discussions... funny stuff... and mostly my trip through ad school and beyond. Feel free to comment. I would love to hear what you have to say. 

Discussion is encouraged. 

Enough of the boring intro... lets get down to some blogging.