Maybe my last Billy Zane posting ever....

So I think Billy Zane is a talented mofo. It's no secret. And he is attractive for a dude. Look at his eyes and tell me you don't melt inside. C'mon, do it.



But I came across something last week that crushed me. And I know that I've seen this before, but I have to believe that I blocked it out. Too traumatic.

Billy Zane sold his soul to the Devil, Ben Stiller. Have I ever mentioned to you that I think Ben Stiller is the Devil? I haven't? Well the clues are all there. He has the simian like features that another incarnation of the night, President George W. Bush, has. I think this "axis of monkey like people," if you will, is slowly being removed from power by those with a higher purpose. Thank dog. I can't take another cookie cutter Stiller flick. Or another term of W for that matter. But that's not what this post is about and will be saved for a later time.

This post is about Billy Zane selling his soul to the Stiller. I can't believe that I didn't remember this, but Billy Zane was in Zoolander. Arguably the biggest turd ever to come from Stiller out of a large pile of manure. And definitely the low point for one Owen Wilson, the glimmering jewel of Hollywood. I grant you that Stiller has some decent flicks, like W has a couple of decent accomplishments, but the bad greatly outweighs the good. Billy Zane is now tarnished so badly in my eyes that maybe nothing will make him gleam for me ever again. Not even a sequel to Titanic. What a great movie that would make, huh? The boat already sank in the first one, what do you think it would do the next time? Hmmmm? No one would see the ending coming this time.

I do not know how I feel about this. I know that everyone has to pay their dues, especially in Hollywood, but I thought Billy Zane had done that already. Maybe he was doing a favor for someone. Trying to make a script as bad as Zoolander into something with promise. Even the Mighty Billy Zane doesn't have that kind of talent. I would argue that no one does. Unless they had a lightsaber. That would be pretty cool.

Billy Z, if you are out there and can read this, please, please, post in the comments why you did this to yourself. I swear that it seems like you are trying your hardest to stay out of the high gleam of the spotlight that you obviously so richly deserve. Quit sabotaging your own career to make yourself feel like a tortured artist. You are too old for that now. Only 20-somethings can pull that off now-a-days. And they look douchy when they do it. Imagine how that makes you look.

I don't know what to do Billy, I really don't.