I still have all my teeth.

Last week, I made a really cool rope swing in the giant old maple in my backyard. It's the kind of swing that has an arc about 30 feet wide, can comfortably go 10-12 feet in the air (and higher if you're not afraid to do it), and is just plain fun. Tucker, who'll be 3 this month loves it. He flies a good 4 feet above my head and screeches and giggles the whole time.

Sounds good, no? Well, we have a neighbor that has four girls that range in age from 1-11. The three oldest, 4, 9, and 11, like coming over and playing with Tucker. However, they love playing with his toys even more. They have been over way more often now that the rope swing is up. Today, I caved in and said I would push them in the swing.

So for about two hours, I pushed the three girls and Tucker on the swing. It was a lot of fun for all, but it did eventually start to tire me out. after a good five turns for every kid, I was pushing the 9 year old girl by running and pushing her over my head as I run underneath. She swings away. I start talking to her sister thinking I'm out of the way.

Without warning, I get a completely outstretched flat foot to the jaw. I heard a loud clicking sound, then I think I was technically unconscious for a split second. I do remember seeing white that turned completely black (I think that's where the term "knock your lights out" comes from, duh). I didn't fall, I hardly moved at all really. I tasted that tooth drilling flavor and blood. One of the girls asked me if I was OK. I said no. Then I walked to the house. I checked my teeth with fingers and tongue on the way there. Lucky for me, I still have all my teeth. The blood is from a hole in my lip. Good times.

Now it may sound like I'm overreacting, but let me reassure you, a nine year old girl on a swing that big could knock out anybody. Let's do the math. A 60 pound nine year old going approximately 25 miles per hour focusing her kinetic energy into a 2.5 inch area equals, I don't know, probably 300 lbs of pressure per square inch. Seriously. A LOT of pressure. I'm lucky I can still eat, but that hurts like the dickens. It's 10 hours later and it still hurts. I have to keep opening and closing my jaw or it sort of seizes shut for a while. I ain't going to the doctor, so don't bother. Worst case scenario, it's cracked and I have to get it wired. I won't give my wife the satisfaction of that.

I found out something important today: I can take a fairly serious blow to the head and still keep my wits somewhat about me. I feel like a real man and all it took was a nine year old girl on a swing.