Have you ever been cursed?

When I was in high school, I used to be friends with this one guy. He knows who he is. Bastard. Why so rough, you ask? Well, the dude cursed me. I was hanging out with him one day when I happened to glance at a digital clock that said 12:34. He then proceeded to do this mumbo jumbo voodoo crap and said, from this day forward I curse you so that every time you look at the clock, it will be 12:34.

Now, the curse didn't go down exactly as he foretold. I was able to look at clocks unconsciously, in passing, or if someone asked me what time it was. But if I did look at a clock, it would say 12:34. And this started 15 years ago (I graduated HS in '94). That's a long damn time to be seeing 12:34 everyday.

There was a brief reprieve the last couple of months. I seemed to have gotten "over" this curse... or maybe I just didn't care anymore. Whatever the reason, I didn't see it much if ever.

Until my wife asked me one day if I saw 12:34 anymore. Sure enough, the reprieve was lifted and I have seen 12:34 everytime it has been on a clock since then. MOTHER OF PEARL, it's maddening.

I have a plan though. I think I know how to get rid of it. I need to transfer the curse, so since you have read this simple blog post I am now cursing you with seeing 12:34 on a clock whenever you consciously look. This won't take effect until you forget about this, so go ahead and look at a clock right now to get it out of your system.

Enjoy the world of 12:34.

The feel good commercial of the year.

And this year is just starting. I can safely say that this commercial will be untoppable (I just made up a word!) for the rest of the year. I only have one regret in life now, and that is not having been at the train station when this took place.

Watch for yourself.

weird numbers...

I was checking my Google Analytics account, like I mentioned in my post about Germany, and there were a couple of neat numbers... let me show you:



I know, right? Weird.

Is this another sign of the end to come like laid out in this post?

The current state of pro football from the last place you would think to hear it.

It has been a completely unexpected playoff season. The fact that the Cardinals are as far as they are is against the will of all that is holy. My favorite author, George R. R. Martin, has a blog and is a football fan (Giants and Jets specifically). On his blog he basically equated the Cards going this far as a sign of the end times. He also pointed out that three of the final four teams are birds. Ravens, Eagles, and Cardinals. This is the first playoff season where a rookie QB has won two play off games (Joe Flacco of the Ravens). This is a post season that could end up in an all Pennsylvania Super Bowl. Eagles vs Steelers. Philadelphia vs Pittsburgh. If TV has taught me anything, the people of Pennsylvania are crazy (ref: It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia). So if this happens, one half of the state is going to burn whomever wins.

The talking heads of sports have all been wrong this post season too. They're usually 50/50, but they have been sooooo wrong. The only team that's where they "should" be (according to the aforementioned talking heads) is the Steelers. The rest of the teams are complete upsets. For example, the Eagles beating the Giants today is the first time a sixth seeded NFC team has beat a 1st seeded team. It's happened twice before in the AFC. I was rooting for the Giants so the Vikes would have a proxy win. We beat the Giants the last three times we played them, the Eagles beat us last week; if the Giants had won, we would have beaten the Eagles by proxy. Like last year. The Vikes handed the Giants their ass. If I recall correctly, we picked off Manning 4 times (2 for defensive touchdowns). It was the worst beating they took all year. They eventually went on to win one of the most storied Super Bowls, knocking the up-til-then undefeated Patriots on their ass in a squeaker. In conclusion of this point, the Giants beat the "beast team ever" Patriots in the Super Bowl, but the Vikes handed the Giants the most soul crushing defeat they had since the game where the Vikes whooped them the year before, ergo, The Vikes won the Super Bowl.

Don't try to talk me out of it. I need this. It's called delusional hope.

Weather Patterns.

I was watching the local news (as a side note, our local news is arguably the best local news in the country... I know from experience) and the weather report came on. They showed a giant purple blob creeping over Minnesota. I've seen these giant blobs before on TV. But I've never seen one in the wild.

I've lived through lots of really crappy weather, including an actual hurricane, and even then I didn't see a giant purple blob in the sky. What the heck?

Sock Puppet the Third.

Here's the second TV commercial length Sock Puppet commercial Travis Kragh, Matthew Gilman, and I did. To see the others that have been posted thus far, click HERE.

I've been removed from these for a while and can't tell if they are funny anymore. Let me know what you think.

Just like Hasselhoff.

Turns out I'm huge in Germany. I was just checking out my Google Analytics account that tells me where my visitors are from and lots of other numbers/statistics/information related to website visits (for instance, in the last month, I have had 666 unique visitors to the site. Scary). Also, in that last month I have had 47 visitors from Germany. That's more than any other country except the US (as far as I can tell). Even more than our neighbors to the north, Santa and his Elves. So watch your back Hasselhoff. I'm gunning for you. And I want to star in the New Night Rider too. Not Baywatch though. Don't care for that. Although I'm more likely to end up in a drunken stupor, shirtless, eating fast food while a previously beloved family member records the whole extravaganza (see below). If you are visiting from a country that isn't the USofA, please post about it in the comments. I would love to meet some people from a different part of the world.

The Argument Against Time Machines.

So I ponder this a lot. Why don't we have Time Machines? I believe that it's possible to move around in time. In fact, it may already be happening (just google "CIA Time Machine"), but the general population knows nothing of it. Or do they? Nope. They don't. I think that time travel is already a developed technology. I don't think it's a lack of ingenuity and technology why time travel isn't widely used (could you imagine being able to go back and view the dinosaurs in the Garden of Eden? Sweet.). I do think it's all about being practical.

A. The smell.
If someone were to go back in time more than say, 150 years and especially 1,000 years or more, they would be overwhelmed by the smell. No toothpaste/toothbrushes, no showers, no deodorant. And worse, no toilets (in the modern sense) or toilet paper (try shaking hands in the Dark Ages...). You know when you are talking to someone with halitosis, but you didn't know they had it? You get that knee jerk reaction that's a cross between a horrible gag reflex and the unending desire to punch them in the face. Now multiply that by a gazillion. Lots of puking and punching.

B. No Starbucks.
Kinda self-explanitory...

C. Desire.
Now this covers a multitude of things. The biggest is the "what if I do step on this butterfly?" syndrome. That's where the person that goes back in time decides he (or a time-traveling-she) can play God and change the course of events for everyone by tweaking something small. Or curiosity gets the best of him (or a time-traveling-her) and they decide they want to see how much it actually does change the time stream to step on a butterfly. Eventually something disastrous will happen. Like all the honey bees will start disappearing. Wait a minute... And let's not even start on the lottery winning.

D. Disease.
Now this one is probably the biggest reason, which is why I saved it for last. The big finish, if you will. And if you won't, well, there's the imaginary door. Do you remember in fifth grade when we learned about American history? Specifically the part where the settlers and expansionists gave the Native Americans disease ridden blankets? If you don't, quick recap: a bunch of them died. The same is possible if someone with the common cold or flu of today goes back in time about a thousand years. The common cold of today is an extremely advanced version of the cold or flu that lived back then, just evolved for over a thousand years. Like the Terminator of viruses, sent from the future to destroy anyone in it's way. People in the past don't have the antibodies to deal with the common illnesses of today and thusly would die in waves... like the bubonic plague. Hmmm. You don't think... do you? Anyway, the same could be said for the future people. You never know if they are going to come across (came across? I mean this is past tense) a disease that is extinct today. Imagine if they contract something from an ancient hooker (another form of the "desire" problem). Something like a horrible crotch eating disease that wasn't recorded anywhere but eventually died out because people with plague eaten crotches can't procreate (so the tale of said disease can't spread) and sans crotch, no spreading the disease. In our sex crazed society today, the crotch eating disease would scour the world. Paris Hilton would die within a week.

Anyway, to recap:
Time Travel is cool, but dangerous (deloreans going 88 miles per hour then bursting into flame... think of all the ruined photo huts). There is no telling what would happen if someone without some extreme discipline and training were to go back in time. Back to the future is a small example of this. Marty McFly nearly ruined his existence, but ended up ruining Biff's, thereby messing with the natural order of the strongest surviving. And while we are on the subject, wouldn't the gambling Biff did in the second movie change the outcomes of future games by the huge amounts he won, and therefor change the future and his ability to always find the winner? You think it would.

These are things I think about.